UNCOMFORTABLE NIGHTS AND DREAMS

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BY EDIOMO MORRISON 



There were nights that 'I could not do it again.'

Those nights, I would cry my eyes out, lick the catarrh that had moved from my nose to my mouth, and use my pillow as a kerchief.

Those were the nights I dreamt. About giving up.

They were good dreams. Somehow, those nights, I wouldn't know how, but I was working with my friends in places I wanted to work in, I was married to the best man in the world and had the most beautiful kids I ever wanted. On nights like that, I would smile because I walked into big rooms, moderated interviews, owned a podcast, bagged a law degree with a first class and lived a comfortable life. On nights like that, I was happy.

The next morning, when I'm woken by the mosquitoes that seem to sing better by my ear, the irritation from my skin dripping with sweat, or my alarm blaring "Praise the Lord" by Brandon Lake & Elevation Worship, I hear myself say, "you cannot give up on it".

It's like I see my future self reminding me that when I give up, I'll want to start again. Starting again means 'not continuing from where you stopped'. It meant looking back and wishing I had continued because those who started with me would have gone too far and I would have whispered to myself, 'that's where you should have been at'.

So, I make that LinkedIn post, I re-text that senior colleague who had not responded to my previous text, I apply for new scholarships, search for internship opportunities, rework on my CV, rebrand myself, get better and never stop pushing.

Years later, I'm convinced I'll be living that comfortable life, but until then, on nights when I want to 'not do again', I dream.


Comments

Anonymous said…
You have definitely reinspired me to stop being lazy and do what I know needs to be done. Thank you for the motivating write-up.
July 5, 2025 at 5:42 AM
Anonymous said…
This is an amazing piece, Ediomo 🤭
It's a call to not lose hope.
Thank you for sharing, JUC of my heart 🥹
July 5, 2025 at 7:43 AM
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